Reaping the Rewards

The other day I was touched to see a Facebook post where a daughter congratulated her Mom and Dad on their 38th anniversary.  She said she knew “it hasn’t always been easy, but I sure am glad they stuck it out!”  I stopped to ponder the deep meaning in her sweet message.  Her Dad was a good friend of Mark’s and they got married just a year after we did.  We were witness to some of the struggles their young marriage went through.  In all honesty, they were not just  run-of-the mill issues all relationships have.  Most marriages would have been over.  Most wives would have said “I’m done,” on more than one occasion.  But she didn’t.  She stayed with her husband through it all and her commitment to her vows paid off.  She saw her husband grow up and change into a good husband and father to their four children.  And now, she is living the rewards.  She doesn’t go home to an empty house, she goes home to someone who loves her.  She doesn’t eat alone, she gets to eat and visit with someone she has history with, someone who has walked with her for 38+ years.  As old age doesn’t seem all that far away, she gets to feel the warmth of her husband’s arm around her as she sleeps.   When her kids come home, they get to come home to both Mom and Dad together.  Their family is intact.  What a beautiful thing.

I know blog posts make it seem like everything is rosy and always has been in the author’s life.  We write about the good things in our lives.  But of course the truth is, no life is struggle free.  No marriage is pain-free.  Mark and I have most definitely had our issues over the years.  But the “D” word never entered our minds.  I can’t sit here and claim that it was because we were special.  The fact of the matter is, I wouldn’t have had a clue what to do if I would have left Mark.  When you have six children and your only job is keeping books for your husband’s business, it tends to keep you where you are at, thank goodness!

If a young couple sticks it out, I fully believe they will be richly rewarded.  Once the kids are raised and it’s just the two of you, I feel God blesses you with a life that feels like an ongoing second honeymoon.  Both of us have grown over the years, we have both learned what is important and what isn’t.  We are just naturally wiser from the years of living we have behind us.  We have realized the things that used to drive us nuts about each other weren’t worth giving a second thought about.  In fact more times than not, I’ve seen that it was me and my behavior that caused the issue.  Being older, and especially the fact that Mark has a serious health issue with his heart, makes me realize that we won’t always have each other.  One of us will more than likely lose the other and have to learn to live without the other.  That knowledge just makes everyday that much sweeter.  I don’t take a single day for granted.   I love and appreciate Mark more everyday.

I think that is why the girl’s words touched me so.  I know it wasn’t  easy for her parents, her Mom especially.  But I know how happy they are today.  I know her Mom’s decision to stick it out has paid off BIG time.  Now she gets to live the result of the commitment she made  years earlier.  “For better or for worse” are not just words, they are a promise.  There will be good times, there will be bad times.  I’m just so glad that Mark and I can be counted among the couples who managed to struggle, fight, pray our way through the bad times and now we are living the good times.  I hope and pray the same for my children and all young couples, that they can understand the bad times are only temporary, but the rewards for sticking it out will last a lifetime.

Right Tune, Wrong Song

There’s a song sung by Billy Currington that has the most catchy tune, one that stays in my mind long after it’s over.  When I hear its first note I can’t help but feel a little more peppy and start to sing along.  The only thing is – I hate the words!  It’s about a couple who don’t love each other anymore and how they should just face the inevitable and call it quits.  The song says, it’s no ones fault, but the bells have stopped ringing, the music won’t play and that “crazy little feeling” has faded away, it’s just Love Done Gone!  I’m always annoyed when it comes on.   A song with these words should not have a catchy, happy tune:

“Like snowflakes when the weather warms up,
Like leaves on the trees when the autumn comes,
Like the dogwood blossoms in the late spring rains,
Like a red kite lost in the big blue sky
It’s just love done gone”

But you know, as I look at all the above analogies, I see something completely different.  Do you remember late spring snows when the flakes were so big and fluffy you couldn’t help but comment on how pretty they were, and then how fast the snow melted leaving needed moisture behind?  And who on earth would not say the leaves on the trees are at their most beautiful in the fall even though you know before long they will fall off?  And yes, the spring storms may knock all the pretty blossoms off the trees and bushes, but the past two years in our neck of the woods, we have found out what  summers without those spring storms were like – brown grass, dried up ponds, dried up rivers, and a temperature so hot most of our gardens wouldn’t produce anything!  And I remember flying  kites with the kids and our theory was the more string and the higher we got it to go the better!  It was extremely hard to keep track of that small red dot in the sky, but Oh, how excited the kids would be when one of them spotted it screaming “There it is!” and pointing it out to the rest of us.

I actually agree with the verses, I just come to a different conclusion.  I remember the days in our young marriage when things were more difficult, disagreements came more often, and ugly words were said.  The storms could come on suddenly, without warning, and leave devastation in their wake.  Sometimes the loving feelings could be awfully hard to find, but when we found them again, the days without were quickly forgotten and we discovered that the  rainy days had watered and nurtured the future, making it that much easier and sweeter.  I tell the young women I am around, that if they lovingly and prayerfully work through the tough times when they are young, struggling to make a living and raise a family, doing their best to put their husband first, they will be rewarded with a second honeymoon when they get older and the nest empties.  I think God intended for marriage to get better and better as we get older and I think the troubles he guides us through earlier is all part of the process. We grow and learn from them to make the later years even better.

So now I don’t have to cringe when I hear the song come on, I can sing along with Billy with one exception, when he comes to the end of each chorus and sings “It’s just Love Done Gone”, I belt out louder than him that “IT’S JUST LOVE GOIN’ STRONG!”

Not Too Young

In honor of Mark and I’s anniversary, I am reposting this about our special day thirty-eight years ago.

On July 4th, 1974, at 2:00 PM,  I was getting married for the second time.  People who were guests at the church where I walked down the aisle, had no idea that we were already married and that they were only watching a formality.  One hour earlier, Mark and I said our vows to each other in a hospital waiting room with only our witnesses, parents, and minister present.  We did this so my Dad, who was in the hospital with terminal cancer could be with us.  I was seventeen years old and three months pregnant.  Mark had barely turned nineteen.  I wish I had a dollar for every time we heard that we were too darn young.  I can only imagine the people who were placing wagers on we wouldn’t last a year.  They would have lost, we have stayed true to our vows.  We stuck with it through times when we were at our best and more times when we were at our worst. (For better for worse)  We have finally made it to a time when it isn’t such a struggle financially, but we have seen tough, uncertain times that came from farming and from raising six children. (For richer for poorer)  I am never ever sick but Mark has some major health issues.  (Sickness and health)

One of my biggest pet peeves is when a marriage splits up and I hear someone say, “Well, they just got married too darn young!”  I argue that I don’t see what age has to do with it!  I think just as many marriages fail when the bride and groom are in their thirty’s as do the ones when they are teens.  Out of my small high school class, several of us got married right out of high school or shortly afterwards and most are still together.  In fact one of them got married when he was sixteen and she was fourteen, they raised two daughters, and are about to celebrate their fortieth anniversary.

Mark and I have said many times that we think getting married so young was good for us, we finished raising each other!  Marrying as young as we did, made it easier for us to mold to one another, to chip away at the two different family dynamics we brought with us, until we had the right combination to form our own, new, unique, family unit that works for us.  Over the years we have both grown so dependent on each other the D-word is not an option.  I think we need to thank all those nay-sayers for telling us how young we were and how we weren’t going to make it, and thanks to Mark’s aunt who said that I wouldn’t make Mark a good wife because I was a “city girl” and he needed to marry a farm girl who would be able to help him with his work.  (I came from a town with a population of 55)  It rubbed me the wrong way and I was out to prove her wrong!  I think (know) that neither Mark or I deserve any credit for beating the odds, for without the good Lord’s help we would be just another statistic.  For his love and guidance I am exceedingly grateful!

I do know that thirty-eight years has gone way WAY too fast.  I sometimes get blue realizing it would be very unusual for us to be able to spend another thirty-eight years together.  Too many couples don’t even reach their fiftieth before one of them is called home.  That is only twelve years away!  How is that possible!?  I’m glad Mark and I started our life together so young.  That many more memories made, that many more experiences shared, that many more fusses and disagreements that we learned from, that much more time to have gotten to know one another inside and out.

I guess we’ve come full circle. Now we actually sometimes hear “you’re too old for that”.  We just smile, knowing that we will never be too old any more than we were ever too young!

A Much Deserved Scolding

Wow!  I do believe I just received a loving, but much deserved scolding from the Lord.  This is the prayer I wrote in my prayer journal this morning:

Jesus, I have neglected you for so long that sitting down here to spend time with you feels like a chore again instead of the pleasure it had been.  I could try to hide that fact, but there is no hiding it from you so I just as well be blunt.  Thankfully it has only been a few weeks, not the months or even years it has been in the past.  I can so see the difference in me when I neglect my time with you, I am not the same person at all.  Just as your word says, anything good inside of me comes from you.  Please help me once again have the burning desire to spend time with you.  Yes, it is a busy time of year, but there is nothing more important than my relationship with you.  The few minutes I spend in prayer and bible study will more than be given back to me, because I will be more focused and at peace in my work.  Enough of the same old/same old.  How many times will I say this to you?  How many times have you forgiven me for this very same thing and welcomed me back?  I am so unworthy and so undeserving of your mercy, but you are so willing, so gracious and so merciful.  Jesus, please help today be the first day of the rest of my life……………………..again.

Immediately after writing those words, I opened my bible to where I had left off in my reading plan and these were the very first words waiting for me:  I am the vine, you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit.  Apart from me, you can do nothing.    John 15:5

I would say he was losing patience with me, but I know that is not in his character.  He just wants what is best for me, and he knows that the best will only come through him.

Precious Lord, you never fail to amaze me.  Thank you so much for speaking directly to my heart this morning.  You knew exactly what I needed to hear and at the exact right moment.  Amen

Fixing Mark…Again!

Writing from a very familiar place today, an Intensive Care Waiting room. If you saw my husband and watched him, you would never guess the health issues he has. Thirteen years ago, at the age of forty-two, he had a heart attack, and that is when this part of our life began. He has had three different pacemakers, a stent, many heart caths, and just two years ago, a triple by-pass. When he started feeling chest pain the past few months, we kept trying to explain it away, we couldn’t possibly be dealing with this so soon could we?

Our beloved cardiologist felt we should check it out, so we checked in for a heart cath this morning. I thought we were just going to find out everything was fine so when he felt discomfort, we wouldn’t have to worry. WRONG! Thankfully it will not take another open-heart surgery, he is in the operating room now having a stent put in place. His by-pass arteries are all good and clear, this was a different artery that had clogged up since. AAAaaaaagghhhh!

Bless his heart, his spirits are always so good. He never feels sorry for himself and deals with this aspect of his life so well, so much better than I would. He’s glad they found something so they can fix it and hopes he will feel better again. I’m glad for that also, I just don’t like the reminder of just how unhealthy a heart my husband has. But as usual, there are things to be thankful for, lessons learned that are not learned any other way.

1) I learned thirteen years ago when he had his first heart attack that life doesn’t go on for ever. The man I share my life with has a disease that kills more people on earth than anything else. I learned to cherish every moment I have with him. Little irritants no longer irritate. Each day I have with him is a gift from God.

2) Both of us have learned to not sweat the small stuff. It takes something pretty big to ruffle our feathers. We are able to decipher what is important and what isn’t.

3) We have had to hand the reins over to God. We’ve learned we are not in control. Life can change in a literal heartbeat. No amount of worrying or manipulating is going to stop the inevitable, so I have learned to trust God with the good and with the bad.

4) I know that life is constantly changing. If things are hunk-dory now, I need to know this won’t last forever, but likewise, if things are really stressful now, it will ease and life will get better soon. Life is a series of valley’s and mountain-tops.

Although I hope for many more years with my wonderful husband, I am grateful for the ones we’ve had. I could have lost him so easily thirteen years ago. Many people only have their spouse for a few months or years before they lose them. I have almost thirty-eight happy years to look back on, and according to our doctor who just came and talked to me, everything went well and we have more years ahead of us. What a gift! What an amazing, wonderful, glorious gift!

The House is Still Here on Monday

This past weekend my four girls held a garage sale here at my house.  They sold over a $1000 worth but you can’t hardly see a dent in the amount of stuff in my garage.  We are leaving everything in place to do it again in a couple of weeks when our town holds it’s city-wide garage sales.  On Friday when we were setting up and all day Saturday when it was going on we had most of our fifteen grandchildren here, eight of them age five and under.  (Here’s a few of them hanging out on the sacks of clothes waiting to be sorted and priced)  With us all busy, they pretty much had the run of the house.  Our main objective was to just keep everyone safe and we’d deal with the aftermath later.  By the time late afternoon rolled around Saturday, all the girls tried to talk me into letting them help me clean up, but I was tired and getting just a little overwhelmed having so many people around for so long, so I sent them on their way, saying it was no big deal, I would get it later.

I’m the type of person who doesn’t even notice the dust bunny’s under a table or on the floor trim or the edge of carpet.  A slight dirty edge around the kitchen floor where the mop doesn’t hit, will drive some people nuts, but I just squint to see it and ask, “Who cares!”  BUT, clutter is a completely different story.  I cannot stand clutter.  I want things to have a place and I want everything in its place.  Saturday night I was too exhausted to even think about anything but going to bed.

When we awoke the next day Mark asked me what our plans were.  Sunday’s are the only day he stays out of the shop and we spend the days outside working in the garden and yard.  I see the stress roll of him like fog on a sunny day and we both enjoy these days so much.  I told him,  “I’ve got to get this house in order.”  Knowing him as well as I do, I could tell that wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear.  He said, “Well, I know there’s been several things you were wanting to get done in the garden and we could work on those today.  The house will still be here tomorrow.”  I said, “I just don’t know if I can live with it like this another day.”  But I thought about it a couple of minutes and I realized if I stayed and worked on the house, he’d be out in the shop and that was the last place he needed to be.  So I decided to ignore the house one more day and enjoy my day outside with Mark helping me.  We got our 105 tomato plants mulched and the supports put up for them. We got four more rows of corn planted and made our turkey’s pen bigger.  We gave everything a good soaking in anticipation of much hotter weather this week.

At the end of the day, I kicked a path through the toys, shoes, towels and other misc items, sat down and thought how much I love Mark and I’s Sundays together, they are such a blessing.  I barely noticed the mess as we went to bed.  We woke up early this morning to get started on our week and you know what, he was right.  The house is still standing here, and I’ve already got most of it done, I just sat down to rest a minute while typing this.  By evening everything will be back in its place, the floors will be scrubbed and vacuumed,  the laundry caught up and put away just like it would have been if I had given up my Sunday with Mark.  I am so glad I didn’t.  Thank you Lord for giving me a husband who helps me keep my priorities straight!

Resting in His Care, God’s and my Husbands.

Major decision ahead of us, one that will be completely life-changing.  One of our customers has offered to lease our shop for their use exclusively and hire Mark to be their shop foreman.  If we decide to do it, it will be the first time in our married life that we haven’t worked for ourselves, haven’t been our own boss.  But we have felt for a long time that we need to be looking into something different, something easier on Mark’s body.  We don’t like to admit it, but we aren’t getting any younger.  He is fifty-seven years old and has a not-so healthy heart.  Even-so, he can still work any twenty year old in the dirt.  But, as he says, how much longer is he going to be able to wrestle semi-truck brake drums, shoes and replace two-hundred pound clutches over his head?  Not only will it be a change for him, but also for me – No more book work!  That does have a definite appeal!

But it’s also a scary, huge decision, by far the biggest one we’ve made in our married lives.  Tuesday night they are coming to talk to us, money figures and all.  We will know more than, now we’re just going through the what-ifs.  I know that it is Mark’s decision and I am fine with that.  I really don’t know what is the right way to go, so I am more than happy to leave it in his hands.

So thankful for all the lessons God has taught me over the years.  At one time I would have  tried to sway Mark one way or the other.  If he would have talked against the way I was leaning, I would have argued like my life depended it on it.  How much stress I must have put on him back in those days.  So much easier to rest in the Lord, knowing that my task is to support my husband and help him look at both sides when he wants to discuss it, not to try to push what I think on him.  I have realized I have to be able to make sudden 180 degree turns though!  He will completely be talking like he thinks one way is the way to go, then ten minutes later he feels the complete opposite and this happens several times a day.  At first I would say “But, I thought you were thinking……” but now I just listen and say, “Yeah, I see what you mean.”  I know that this is just part of the process.  I just need to be a good sounding board for him.  I know he’s thinking for both of us, not just himself.  He knows this will be a big change for me also and I know that my happiness is more important to him than his own.  What a luxury that I’m able to rest in his care, Mark’s and God’s both.   I have the easy job.

No big change for us.  We’re keeping things the same, the only difference is Mark has finally realized he can’t do it all.  Some jobs he’s going to have to say no to and he’s going to have to get some help.  Which, isn’t God amazing – our married son Bryan and his wife Amanda are moving back home (not our house, back to this area where they both grew up) in about a month and he’s planning on working for Dad at least for a while.  And this might not seem like much to you, but it seems almost miraculous to me, Mark has told all his customers he won’t be at the shop for five straight days!  We are going to the state high school basketball game with our daughter-in-law Dani (our son Kyle is the coach) and then Mark is taking off the rest of Memorial Weekend.  Wow,!  I think he’s really serious about slowing down.  I bet the last time he took that many days off in a row was fifteen years ago.  Thank you Lord for answered prayer!