Keep Your Eyes on Him

Keep your eyes on Jesus. God is in control. We know who wins. Just keep looking up. How many times do we say these things, to encourage, to comfort others and ourselves? I wish I could say how many times the words, ” Lord, let us fear nothing except taking our eyes off you” have been written in my prayer journals. That phrase is the one I most often end my prayers with. Did I ever get a personal lesson in living those words instead of just saying or writing them!

There was no question I would be up all night on election night, it is my thing. It’s like watching a ballgame, first one team scores, than the other one, the lead swapping back and forth. This time I was extremely concerned about the final score, even more so than in the past. I felt myself getting hopeful and excited as the night went on, what I thought was going to be an extremely difficult win, started looking like it was going to be easy. But then, to me, it looked like the refs started changing the rules and the momentum started changing because of those rule changes. The ballgame was put on hold for the night, something I’d never seen happen before. I finally went to bed at 3 o-clock but sleep would not come. When Mark and I got up at 6, I was about as down as I’ve ever been. As Mark handed me my cup of coffee, he asked, “Do you want the good news or the bad news?” I said I didn’t care, just tell me. He said, “Well, the good news is we are still alive.” I rolled my eyes and asked, “And the bad news?” He said, “The sink plugged up in your canning kitchen and there is water everywhere about 3 inches deep.” One of our little dogs, the night before, had come in from outside a horrible, stinky mess. So I quickly had taken him to the sink where I washed garden produce and gave him a quick bath. In my rush to get back to my “ballgame” I had left the faucet run, just a tiny bit, but the drain which had been running slow lately could not get rid of that much water quick enough and the rest was history.

So, the day was spent vacuuming the water out of the carpet, emptying two large chest freezers, moving them so we could vacuum under them, putting everything back in. We got done about 2 in the afternoon and I declared I was going to take a nap, but sleep would not come. I turned on the TV to watch my favorite personality’s comment on what was happening. Of course that wasn’t enough, I also had to keep checking my phone to see what people were saying. Not only was I not resting, my mind was continually being fed human perspective of what was happening, some of that perspective angry and it was making me more agitated. I could get up and clean the horrendous mess my house was left in from number one, not doing anything all day and number two, having a plugged drain, complete with water in all the drawers, soaking all the contents, and wet towels everywhere, but I was so physically exhausted I couldn’t bring myself to do it. We went to bed at 8 O-clock and I am happy to say sleep came immediately and did not end till 5 the next morning. As I was laying there waking up, I thought to myself, “Well, Norma, you sure found out what happens when you take your eyes OFF Jesus!”

I’m so thankful for the lessons He teaches through my own bad choices. When I write the words, “Let me fear nothing except taking my eyes off You,” I will remember how bad things can get when I don’t heed them. He will help me, but I have to do my part and want to live the words instead of just saying them. So today, the TV will stay off, the phone will stay in it’s charger and I will get our home back in order. And I will keep looking up!

The Door

 

Several weeks ago when Mark first told me we were going to go to Oklahoma City to pick up an air compressor his cousin had bought on an online auction, I protested we should definitely not be doing this because of the “Rona.”  Then he told me he had already talked to the place we would be picking it up from, it was already paid for, we were to call them when we arrived, stay in the pickup as they loaded it and tied it down and be on our way without speaking or breathing near another soul.  We could fill up with gas at home and make it all the way and back, we could take snacks with us and not have to stop and eat anywhere.   Even though at that time I was still freaked out about the big bad virus, an outing sounded irresistible so away we went!

 

On the drive down he glanced over and asked me what I was writing.  I told him it was my gratitude journal.  I said, “Here, I’ll read to you what all I’m grateful for to pass the miles.”  I turned back to the beginning of December and started reading.  As the ramblings on my pages reminded us of the mundane happenings of our lives the past four months, we laughed and talked about a multitude of things.  At one point when I read that I was grateful I was someone whose panties didn’t get in a wad easily, he made some strange sort of noise as if he did not agree, and said “That’s a stretch.”  I informed him “My panties DO NOT get in a wad easily!”  He said, “They just did!”  Eventually, I laughed.

 

When I came to February 1^st, I had written a full page, reflecting on my granddaughter Lexi’s wedding that day.  As I read myself thanking the Lord for our family, how much fun we had, what a perfect day it was, I got so choked up I could hardly read.  “I don’t know why this is choking me up like this,” I managed to squeak out when I had reached the end.  I stopped and pondered for a minute then I said, “I know exactly why this is getting to me. We had such a wonderful time that day, it would have been a perfect memory no matter what.  But the way it is, it seems like her wedding was a door, a door between normal life and life now, life before Covid-19 and life after.  And I’m scared that door has closed and life as we know it is over.”  He assured me life will once again return to normal and we will have many more wonderful, fun-filled days with our family.

 

I feel like we are now seeing light at the end of the tunnel and I have hopes he is right, but at the time I was doubtful.  I had grown tired of video-chatting with grandkids when what I really wanted was a hug.  Trips to the grocery store felt strange, it was a place to get in and out of as fast as I could.  Instead of stopping to visit with people I met in the isle, I’d rush past, turning my eyes for fear I was looked at as a threat to their health.   It had become and still is yet another reason for people to disagree and to criticize one another.  We are labeled paranoid, panic-filled and “sheep” if we think we should follow the latest CDC guidelines, or we are “putting others in danger” if we stand less than 6 feet from someone in our yard or told we care more about money than people if we want (need) to get back to work.  We don’t know what to think, we don’t know what to believe, we don’t know what to do.  I am at the point I don’t believe anything, but yet there is nothing I wouldn’t believe.

 

But I do know this, everyday I have choices, I can choose despair or I can choose joy, I can choose to criticize or I can choose grace, I can choose worry or I can choose faith, I can choose to waste my time or I can choose to be productive, I can choose to turn my head from others struggles or I can find ways to help.  Everyday it is a struggle to choose the right thing, but hopefully, if we all make enough right choices, we will eventually find our way back to the other side of the door.