Fixing Mark…Again!

Writing from a very familiar place today, an Intensive Care Waiting room. If you saw my husband and watched him, you would never guess the health issues he has. Thirteen years ago, at the age of forty-two, he had a heart attack, and that is when this part of our life began. He has had three different pacemakers, a stent, many heart caths, and just two years ago, a triple by-pass. When he started feeling chest pain the past few months, we kept trying to explain it away, we couldn’t possibly be dealing with this so soon could we?

Our beloved cardiologist felt we should check it out, so we checked in for a heart cath this morning. I thought we were just going to find out everything was fine so when he felt discomfort, we wouldn’t have to worry. WRONG! Thankfully it will not take another open-heart surgery, he is in the operating room now having a stent put in place. His by-pass arteries are all good and clear, this was a different artery that had clogged up since. AAAaaaaagghhhh!

Bless his heart, his spirits are always so good. He never feels sorry for himself and deals with this aspect of his life so well, so much better than I would. He’s glad they found something so they can fix it and hopes he will feel better again. I’m glad for that also, I just don’t like the reminder of just how unhealthy a heart my husband has. But as usual, there are things to be thankful for, lessons learned that are not learned any other way.

1) I learned thirteen years ago when he had his first heart attack that life doesn’t go on for ever. The man I share my life with has a disease that kills more people on earth than anything else. I learned to cherish every moment I have with him. Little irritants no longer irritate. Each day I have with him is a gift from God.

2) Both of us have learned to not sweat the small stuff. It takes something pretty big to ruffle our feathers. We are able to decipher what is important and what isn’t.

3) We have had to hand the reins over to God. We’ve learned we are not in control. Life can change in a literal heartbeat. No amount of worrying or manipulating is going to stop the inevitable, so I have learned to trust God with the good and with the bad.

4) I know that life is constantly changing. If things are hunk-dory now, I need to know this won’t last forever, but likewise, if things are really stressful now, it will ease and life will get better soon. Life is a series of valley’s and mountain-tops.

Although I hope for many more years with my wonderful husband, I am grateful for the ones we’ve had. I could have lost him so easily thirteen years ago. Many people only have their spouse for a few months or years before they lose them. I have almost thirty-eight happy years to look back on, and according to our doctor who just came and talked to me, everything went well and we have more years ahead of us. What a gift! What an amazing, wonderful, glorious gift!

It’s Just a Few Days

Not a great weekend.  Not horrible,  but has involved some stress and worry.  Mark got a call last Thursday from his cardiologist saying the machine that monitors his heart at night had reported a dangerous rhythm and they wanted him to come in to check it out.  So first thing on Friday morning we were in his office.  Everything seemed fine but Mark hasn’t been feeling the best lately.  He was convinced it was his pacemaker causing it.  It is very easy for him to assume that because he has had two defective ones in the past.  So, even though the pacemaker checked out okay, and even though Mark’s heart drops down close to the thirty’s without it, they shut it off to see if he felt better.  Needless to say, he not only did not feel better, he felt much worse.  I have a feeling our doctor just wanted to prove to him that the pacemaker is a good thing to him, not the evil thing he had grown to believe it was.  Well, of course, it was the weekend so if we wanted to go and have it turned back on, we would have to go to the emergency room.  Mark declared he was the one who had them shut it off and he was not spending  $1000 to have it turned back on.  Our doctor is in his office on Wednesday’s, Thursdays, and Fridays so we will have to wait until Wednesday.

Although Mark has come to accept in the past thirteen years that this is his life and handles it with a wonderful sense of acceptance and calm, there are times like this weekend that it can start to get him down.  One of the lessons he has learned through the years is that allowing himself to become depressed about it makes him feel ten times worse.  But he is such a hard-working, driven person, all he could think about was how much he needed to get done and how little energy he was going to have until he was turned back on again.  Although I have seen days like these come and go dozens of times, I can also get  a little panic-stricken when they come about.

Luckily, I got up early Saturday morning to talk to God about all the anxiety I was feeling.  He gave me a phrase to cling to – “It’s just a few days.”  Whenever I felt my mind going down a doom and gloom path, I just told myself –  It is just a few days.  It was absolutely amazing how it could calm me down and therefore helped me calm Mark down.  Then I remembered Roman’s 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  So grateful for this.  Repeating these two things is keeping me calm and joyful as we journey once again down this well-traveled road.  To be continued………after Wednesday.

Mark’s turned on again!  He started feeling better immediately.  He told them he’s learned his lesson, even if he’s not crazy about it, he can admit he does need it and it does make a difference.  The other day an acquaintance, who also has a pacemaker, asked him if you ever get used to the dang thing.  Mark answered him, “I tell you what, if it ever gets to the point you just can’t stand it anymore, here’s what you do.  Go to the doctor and have them shut it off and then go back home and live without it for about a week.  Believe me, it won’t bother you near as bad as it did!”  I don’t think it is what the guy wanted to hear, but his wife sure got a chuckle out of it, or should I say, both of us wives did!